Being away from home has been harder than I ever thought it would be. It's funny because I have been away before and I remember feeling very homesick, but as soon as I went back home I forgot all about the tough times, all I could think of was how much fun I had had and how strong and independent I had felt.
I wonder if I'll feel the same way when I go back this time. I sure hope so, but lately all I feel is HOMESICK. Yes, I'm excited about everything that has happened so far and about how much I've learned and how much my English has improved. But I wish I could have all that without having to be away from everyone I love and truly knows me and loves me for who I am.
I don't know why, but it's been harder lately. Maybe it's because it's been too long already. 7 MONTHS! I remember my first week here. I was so Homesick that I really thought I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I thought I'd be the first IVEPer to give up on the first week. I felt sad, alone and scared. Everything was unknown, everyone was unknown to me. It was hard not to have anyone to run to or hang out with. But with time that changed, I made friends and things got a lot better. My host became a great friend and a wonderful listener and that has made a huge difference.
The kind of homesickness I've been feeling lately is a little different though. I find myself sick of feeling this way and a little cranky at times. I don't want to feel this way, and I've been trying not to! I try to be positive because I really want to enjoy my last 4 and a half months here to the fullest. And I know that when I go back I'll miss so many things about this place. I don't wanna regret spending my last months here feeling homesick. But at the same time, that is the way I feel and it's hard to change the way you feel, right?
So, in order to fill my time and bring out the good memories I have of here, I started putting a Scrapbook about Canada together. It's been fun. I look at all the pictures of people and places and I see that my experience here has been totally worth it. And there's also a feeling of sadness because I know how hard it will be to say good bye to all of this, not knowing when I'll be able to come back and see some people again(that's definitely on my "to do" list for the next five years of my life).
It's crazy how my mind's been working. I wanna be home but I don't want to say good bye. I guess that's what happens when you live abroad. You start having a desire to be in two places at the same time. Or you wish everyone you know could be in a driving distance from you.
Yeah, it's just crazy like that!
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2 comments:
It is understandable that you are feeling that way! I am sure i would go crazy! It is so nice for us to be able to have you here for these past seven months! It will be a sad day when you have to go home!
Cute pics! You are so photogenic!
You are diffenitly right. I talked to quite a few IVEPers, they do have the same feeling. 104 more days, we will be back home. However, I start to miss the fun and people out here. And I belive that, we will get a little shock when we get home. Hope you are having fun with Sheila, Rafael, and Gisseli (I don't think her name spells like that) around.
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