Being away from home has been harder than I ever thought it would be. It's funny because I have been away before and I remember feeling very homesick, but as soon as I went back home I forgot all about the tough times, all I could think of was how much fun I had had and how strong and independent I had felt.
I wonder if I'll feel the same way when I go back this time. I sure hope so, but lately all I feel is HOMESICK. Yes, I'm excited about everything that has happened so far and about how much I've learned and how much my English has improved. But I wish I could have all that without having to be away from everyone I love and truly knows me and loves me for who I am.
I don't know why, but it's been harder lately. Maybe it's because it's been too long already. 7 MONTHS! I remember my first week here. I was so Homesick that I really thought I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I thought I'd be the first IVEPer to give up on the first week. I felt sad, alone and scared. Everything was unknown, everyone was unknown to me. It was hard not to have anyone to run to or hang out with. But with time that changed, I made friends and things got a lot better. My host became a great friend and a wonderful listener and that has made a huge difference.
The kind of homesickness I've been feeling lately is a little different though. I find myself sick of feeling this way and a little cranky at times. I don't want to feel this way, and I've been trying not to! I try to be positive because I really want to enjoy my last 4 and a half months here to the fullest. And I know that when I go back I'll miss so many things about this place. I don't wanna regret spending my last months here feeling homesick. But at the same time, that is the way I feel and it's hard to change the way you feel, right?
So, in order to fill my time and bring out the good memories I have of here, I started putting a Scrapbook about Canada together. It's been fun. I look at all the pictures of people and places and I see that my experience here has been totally worth it. And there's also a feeling of sadness because I know how hard it will be to say good bye to all of this, not knowing when I'll be able to come back and see some people again(that's definitely on my "to do" list for the next five years of my life).
It's crazy how my mind's been working. I wanna be home but I don't want to say good bye. I guess that's what happens when you live abroad. You start having a desire to be in two places at the same time. Or you wish everyone you know could be in a driving distance from you.
Yeah, it's just crazy like that!
This is the first time in my life I won't be with my mom for Mother's Day. I guess you could say it's not such a big deal... after all you should appreciate your mom every single day and not just on the second Sunday of May. But there are certain traditions in my family that make this day really special. Every Mother's Day my brother, my sister and I put a special breakfast together, we buy my mom's favourite cake and some special buns and jams and we make her cards and give her flowers. And then we take it all to her in bed on Sunday morning... and she's always ready to receive us. There she is... beautiful, in her pajamas waiting to hug her children and say that we are the best Mother's Day gift she could ever wish for. And then we spend the morning talking and eating, sharing and loving. That's what my mom is to me. She represents love, patience, care, strength. I admire her deeply. She's my bes
t friend... she knows me so well... she knows when I'm in love even before I tell her... she knows what I've eaten just by looking at me... she knows when I'm sad even when I try to look happy... she gives the best advice, but only when I ask her. She never tells me what to do even though she would like to sometimes. She is my "maezinha do coracao", my "mamis", de quem eu tenho tantas saudades! 
icoes. Vc me ensinou tanto, acho q nem sei medir ainda o valor dos seus ensinamentos, mas sei q eles afetaram quem sou e quem serei profundamente. Muito obrigada por tudo q vc eh na minha vida, por ser minha amiga e minha mae e por nunca enfraquecer, mesmo na minha teimosia de adolecente. Obrigada por sua fidelidade a mim e por seu amor por mim. Me doi muito nao poder estar com vc no dia das maes... mas vou recompensar qdo eu voltar com certeza. Amo vc alem do q vc pode imaginar e alem do q eu mesma sei medir."
Believe it or not I'm already starting to pack. I'm 2 and a half months away from leaving and only now I realised that I won't be able to take all my "stuff" back with me. It's amazing how much I gathered in the last 10 months. It makes me feel so stupid. Why did I bring so much from Brazil? Why did I get so much in Canada? And I consider myself a non-consumerist. Yeah right!
Last week (Feb 5-12) we had our IVEP Mid-Year Conference! It was an amazing time of fellowship and learning. I'm so glad I got to know so many different people from so many different countries. Everyone is so unique and special! And I'll never forget the stories I heard during the conference. I learned a lot through all of them.
